our eyes are upon You

Well, the day is done and now it's time to think through what all we did today. It was our first time in the outpatient children's cancer clinic. I was not prepared for how hard it would be. It was beautiful in one sense. A 10-year old girl was finishing her last chemo treatment today after a year of treatments. The entire clinic was celebrating with her. We were celebrating with her and we just met her today. But, these life situations have a way of bringing hope and joy and celebration into your life. Any family that can make it through this kind of pain deserves a major celebration. But, on the other hand, we met an 8 year old who has been battling cancer since the age of 3 months. She had a precious spirit. But, what a battle. 8 years of constant chemo, spinal taps, hospitalizations. Her dad was right there with her the whole time.

I was not prepared to see so many precious children who didn't look like they did 6 months ago. No hair, puffy faces from the steroids, all with ports and tubes with machines attached. It was more than I could handle a few times. Everyone told me that the first time is the hardest and then you get a little more used to it. Our precious Ansley is one of those beautiful children. She will soon lose her hair, she will get that precious "moon" face from steroids. And we will love her and give thanks for everyday we are given! There are so many families that are affected by this dreadful disease. I was nauseated to see how many families face this kind of pain.

It is hard to focus just on our pain when you see how many other people are in the same season of life. I am tempted to ask the why questions to God. Only 50 children per year get ALCL. Why Ansley, God? Why our family? I can't answer that right now. I might not ever be able to answer it. But, I am comforted by a verse in 2nd Chronicles. It says, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You."
That is what my heart is feeling right now. I can do nothing but fully surrender. I have no control over what happens to my precious Ansley. But, even though I don't know what to do, I will keep my eyes on Jesus!

Celebrate with us that today was sweet. Hard, but sweet. We feel like we have been given a precious gift in the 7 of us being together this Christmas. May Jesus be glorified and honored through this season.

Love,
Amy