Today was a day of mixed emotions.
Ansley is her bubbly, opinionated self. It is a great gift to see her feeling well. But, she was changing her shirt today and with her shirt came a lot of hair. Maybe it's just me, but it seemed like a lot. I knew that this day would come soon. The doctors told me it would probably begin sometime around 3 weeks into chemo. We are at 2 weeks. I am sure it is a process, not just a one time deal that it all falls out. I think I sometimes forget that she does really have cancer. And the hair deal quickly reminds me of the hard truth that her body is not healthy. I am thankful that the chemo is working. I have to remember that as I watch other side effects of the chemo.
We are rejoicing this day that she has had 2 spinal tap chemo treatments and both have gone really well. We are also rejoicing that she has handled her IV chemo twice without getting stomach problems.
So, so much to be thankful for. Tomorrow we will go in the morning to MUSC for her 3rd round of IV chemo. Please pray that her counts are good and that they are able to administer the chemo without complication. Also, Ansley got sad today when she realized that she would have to have her port "accessed" again tomorrow. Accessing means putting a needle into the port so that the drugs that are administered can be given to her without giving her an IV stick in her hand. I think it sounds and looks scary to her. Please pray that she will not be frightened and that we won't have to hold her down while they access the port. It hurts so bad to see her frightened.
On another note, I have seen God move in beautiful ways in our marriage and in our family as a unit. Hard times like this have a way of either drawing you closer to each other or bringing distance. I have found great joy in living this painful story out with my best friend in the world, Matt. We had our first official "date" last night since Ansley's diagnosis. It was a really sweet time. I think we held hands and talked longer than we have in a while. I see him as my teammate and my advocate. He wants so badly to protect his family from pain and his attitude has been amazing.
The kids are doing better. Garrett has been struggling with nightmares, but other than that, I think us being home has brought a sense of security back to them. Please continue to pray that they will feel loved and important to me and Matt.
I hope that everyone reading this will be encouraged and find great hope in what God is doing. Yes, it is painful but God is holding our hand through it all. He is faithful and He is able. This Christmas will be different for our entire family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. I think it will be different in a good way. As we are weak, He is showing us how strong and mighty He is.
Merry Christmas, precious friends!
