rely on the love God has for us

Well, another day is almost done. We spent the day at the outpatient pediatric cancer clinic. The nurses and doctors are wonderful but it is still one of the hardest places I have ever stepped foot in.

Ansley had 3 different chemo treatments today. Two were given through her port and then then spinal tap chemo. She did well. Maybe over time this gets easier.....I really don't know that it will though. We were there from 8 to 3 and afterward I felt like I had run a marathon. I think it is mostly an emotional and mental marathon these days. It is just draining mentally. Matt and I got in the car afterward and just sat in silence. Nothing went wrong, it is just hard. One of our friends explained it as a feeling of numbness. I think he's right. But, days like this feel raw. It feels like a giant wound that someone is pouring salt onto.

I am not defeated, but this really is our reality right now. I feel free to feel like I am on a roller coaster. But, in the midst of all of this, there is a verse I want to come to know and trust more and more.

I John 4:16, "We know and RELY on the love God has for us."

I am relying on that love on days like this. Painful as it may seem, it is good to be in a place where I can't rely on myself. I HAVE to rely on God. I know that self-reliance is something God hates. And, there are times when I feel like I am enough for myself. I know in my head I am not enough but sometimes, when life seems manageable, I can fall into the pattern of self-reliance. Well, friends, that is not possible right now. And so, I want to know and rely on the love God has for my family. Please pray this verse for all 7 of us.