It's been a couple of days since I've had time to write anything. I think about what I want to write about during the day. Then, I sit down to type and I can't remember what I was thinking! Ever had those kind of days? Of course you have. We all have. My mind feels a bit "off" right now. Not a bad thing. Just a thing.
But, now that everyone is asleep, I can write and think. It's been a bit on the peculiar side around our house the last 3 days. Ansley is finishing up her 5 day med-a-thon. She has been taking tons of medication beginning on the day she had chemo which I think was Tuesday?? She finishes up tomorrow and then gets a 2 week break from the majority of the medicines. After those 2 weeks, we start over. Chemo, 5 days of meds, 2 week break. This is what the next year will look like. Yikes! When I put it that way, I'm a little distraught. But, tonight is all we need to think on right now.
The medicines make Ansley a little difficult to handle. She has been really emotional, cranky, TALKATIVE, disappointed and sad. And, then 30 minutes later she is hugging, singing, playing dolls and dancing. It's hard to put it into words but it makes me think about Forrest Gump when he says, "You never know what you're gonna get." Well, right now, that's Ansley. And, I really don't blame her. She's been through so much. We were told the medicines would make her a little less like herself. The good news is that we only have tomorrow and then there is a break. I don't know how soon the side effects from the meds will disappear. But, no matter what, I am thankful to tuck her into bed every night and still feel her sweet arms hug me tight. No mood swings will make me forget how precious her little life is to me and Matt.
A dear friend gave me a devotional that I have so enjoyed entitled, "Streams in the Desert." Isn't that an interesting title? I know all of us can relate to it. Life feels dry, empty, thirsty for joy. I am finding I have to seek out those streams right now. But, there are so many streams to be found! They are everywhere if I will just open my eyes and my heart. I really enjoyed one of last week's devotions. Here is the main point of it.
We have to daily choose, believe, abide, and remain steadfast in our walk with God.When we choose to do this, he changes us into His likeness and heals our hurts. That is what I need. I desire to have this hurt lessened. Isn't it a beautiful picture that as we draw near to God, He takes care of everything? I don't have to do all the work. I don't have to buck up and deal with the pain. I have to walk with God and allow Him the space He so deserves in my life.
So, my request is that you pray for our Ansley to feel emotionally more stable and joyful. Pray that the medicines' side effects will diminish. And for me, pray that I would daily choose, believe, abide and remain steadfast in my walk with the Lord. It's a constant pressing forward isn't it? I can't be idle.
"Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful and righteous." Psalm 112:4
