Victory and Defeat

There have been days through the last 4 1/2 months that have seemed to end in victory. And then, there are days like today where all I see is defeat. Ansley went in for chemo this morning and to have her PICC line removed. Her ANC (absolute neutrophil count) was too low and so we leave this day with no chemo and still a PICC line in place. We go back to MUSC on Wednesday to see if the counts have risen enough to get chemo.

My heart feels defeated. Her counts are so low that she needs to stay inside and away from other people. We have a beautiful spring day outside and we are needing to stay inside. It seems like at every turn, there is a new issue that arises.

We want to move forward with the Make A Wish trip that is supposed to start on Thursday. I guess we will know more once we go back to the hospital on Wednesday. The doctors are saying even if she doesn't receive chemo this week, we can still go. I feel unsure about taking her to Disney with a PICC line. It is so hard to know what is the "wisest" decision when you are faced with decisions this big.

Please pray. Right now, I am not understanding how prayer works. Saints were praying for her counts today and God chose not to answer in a favorable way. It's hard to swallow. And yet, I know He is good. Not "good" in a comfy, easy, this-is-just how I would've done it way, but still good.

Kendall gave me an early Mother's Day present today. She said she wanted to give it to me early and had been waiting until I was having "one of those days". So after crying at the kitchen table, she handed me a poem she wrote entitled, "I Thank God for my Mother." How precious it was to have a reminder of why we fight each day to have God rule and reign in our lives! Kendall picked a very good day to give me a gift!

I will update on Wednesday after clinic. Please pray that God would answer the request of Ansley's counts being high enough for chemo. I am asking Jesus followers to fast with me on Wednesday if you can. Thanks brothers and sisters.



So,