speechless

There have been times before that I couldn't find the right words to say. But, Ansley having cancer has brought it to a whole new level.

Today was definitely one of those times. After getting the kids to school, Ansley and I came home and were looking at some old pictures. Ansley began to get sad over the fact that she didn't look the same anymore; specifically, her hair falling out. She said she wanted her hair to grow back soon. I told her it would but it would take a while because the medicines cause it to fall out. She cried some more. I cried with her.

We moved on to other things but eventually the conversation came up again and again and again. And with every return, her sadness grew. And then, she said to me, "Mommy, I just prayed that God would bring me my hair back." I was speechless. What do you say to a 4 year old crying out to God and asking Him to help her? I was humbled by her enormous faith and also heart broken that her request would most likely not come to pass any time soon.

How do you answer the question, "Why am I the only one who doesn't have hair?"

It just stinks to have to answer questions like this.

We are ending the day okay but still a lot of sadness in my heart for her. She is so tough and yet she hurts. She yearns to feel like herself again. Sometimes, I don't know which is harder- watching her go through physical pain or watching her heart break with emotional sadness?? Both are awful.

Pray that we would know how to answer her questions and continue to help her know how loved and precious she is not only to us, but most importantly to God.