A Day of Mixed Emotions

In many ways, today was a dream for the mamma of a daughter with cancer. Ansley handled her port access like a champ, her counts were really good, platelet counts in the normal range, and she doesn't have to go back to clinic for 2 weeks!! So, what's the other emotion I'm feeling?? Well, as we got great news today, there are many families in clinic that did not get encouraging news. There were lots of new faces today at clinic which means this horrible disease has pressed it's way into another child's body and an entire family's life. We have seen 3 recurrences lately in kids we have gotten to know during the last 6 months. These families have been fighting much longer than we and they are starting again with chemo, radiation and procedures.

You never think this is what life is going to look like. At least it's not what I ever envisioned. And, I am sure it's not what other people have envisioned life would be like for their children. But, I am learning to accept and thank God for this trial. Not that I am thankful for cancer, but I am thankful for how God is carrying us and loving us through this time.

When you look at your kids, or spouse, or friends, make sure your heart remembers to be thankful. Sometimes we have to fight for thankfulness. We have to choose it. I have to choose it 50 million times a day right now. And, I don't get it right very much. But, I know that Ansley's cancer has made me and Matt realize what really matters in life. Every time I can rub my sweet baby girl's soft, blond hair, I am thankful. Every time I see our five precious kids playing together, I am thankful. Every time I can sit and talk and dream with my husband of 14 years, I am thankful.

But, also remember these special families that are fighting cancer once again. Remember the families that drive 2 -3 hours each way to make it to clinic once a week. And, remember the sweet people that have lost their jobs in order to care for their children who are fighting hard against cancer. This is reality for a lot of people. Doesn't it put into perspective the things in life we complain about? It sure convicts me.

So, please join our family in rejoicing and remembering.