This new path our life has taken has taught me so much.
As I said in an earlier entry, this has been the hardest road we've ever taken and yet it has been the richest journey as well.
One of the things I am having to constantly learn and re-learn is that it is okay to be broken. It is okay to cry. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to grieve. Actually, I think it's healthy. There are probably very few days where I don't break down.
And, normally, it's not that I cry because of "big" things like Ansley being in pain or nauseated or tired of taking meds. Those problems really don't happen every day.
Most of the time it's the things I have taken for granted for so many stinkin' years. Little things like walking down a hallway at school and seeing so many healthy, happy children. Or, the sweet comments when we go somewhere about her cute hats, or not being able to go to lunch with a friend because her counts are too low this week.
Sometimes, I just find it hard to remember that this is our new normal. We will have many months of cute hats, seeing other kids at school and wishing Ansley could take part in that joy of friendship and learning, and also putting lunch dates on hold. I think in someways I am grieving what life was like before 2 short months ago.
But, I am thankful to be learning these lessons. I am thankful that although there are sad, hard days, there are also many joy-filled, happy days, too. Even though there are sad days, we keep going. We thank God for giving us a tough, precious daughter. You know, when Ansley was a toddler, Matt gave her the nickname of "Bulldozer Princess." That is a perfect description of her personality!
Ansley begins the next 3-week cycle on Wednesday. We changed her chemo date from Monday to Wednesday because Ansley gets the treat of going to her pre-school class Valentine party. This is all she can talk about right now! I have to allow her to be a kid and still have fun! So, on Wed. we will go to MUSC for chemo and then come home for the med-a-thon for 5 days. This "med-a-thon" is the picture from a couple of weeks ago of all the medicines she has to take for the week.
Please pray that chemo and accessing her port go well and that she doesn't fight us in taking her medicines. Pray that the Valentine Party brings joy to her little heart. Pray for me, please, that I can be strong while there and not make a fool of myself crying!!!!!!!!!!
Trusting and waiting,
Amy and crew
