Reminders...both good and bad

During this season, almost every day is filled with some tears. That's just how it is right now. Today the tears came from the visual reminders that we have a sick little girl. Whenever Ansley wears a sundress or a shirt without sleeves, her port is very obvious. Of course, it gets many stares and many strange looks as well. Whenever I see it, I am heart broken to think that my baby girl has to have this object in her body to get the chemo into her system to kill cancer. It just shouldn't be this way.

I also have the visual reminder of her cancer when I see her hair. Yes, it is growing back, but a little girl can only be called a boy so many times before her mom feels like punching someone in the face! I wish some people filtered what they thought before speaking. The daily reminders are hard to swallow. Even on "good" days, there are reminders that things aren't okay.

On the other hand, I have a beautiful reminder daily that God is faithful when I can grab Ansley in my arms in the morning and give her a big hug. She is here with us. She didn't die some 7 months ago. She is here and she is fighting hard. I am reminded daily of how resilient children are. Ansley is very aware that she is sick and that she looks different than most little girls. But this realization doesn't defeat her. She has a child-like trust that I so desire to learn!

I am reminded daily that there is much heartache in the world. Today, I learned of two new children whose lives will be forever changed by a diagnosis of cancer. Everywhere I turn, I see suffering. But, I am reminded that this is not the end of the story and this is not the home that we were created for. Cancer reminds me of how I long for Heaven. How I long for perfection. How I long for no more children to be diagnosed with cancer. One day, that will be reality.

Daily reminders. Some good. Some not so good. But, the question is what will I do with these reminders? Will I have a pity party and live in some "dream" world that cuts myself off from hurting people? Or, will I let the reminders energize my heart to help relieve suffering here and also look to perfection in Heaven? I pray I would choose option two.

As for our family, we are tired but okay. Ansley doesn't look well to me today. I'm not sure if she is just tired or getting sick. No fever, no cough, no pain. But, a mommy knows when her kiddos don't look like themselves. Please pray that she is not getting sick. Pray for our other kids. I have seen some jealousy lately from them in how much attention Ansley is receiving. It is understandable. Everyone asks them about Ansley. I don't want them to start to resent her.

So, in all, I'd say we are doing alright. We have one more week until the next chemo round. This never seems to get easy. I cry as I write that chemo week will be here soon. Please pray for these new cancer fighters and for their families. The initial days are overwhelming and shocking. Pray that God would be near to them and pray that they would know that God will use it for good.

Press on, friends. Don't avoid hurting people. Don't avoid suffering. We have all of eternity to live in perfection! Now is not eternity! Thanks and love to all of the faithful people praying for the full recovery of our little girl.